|Picture from Essence.com|
Here's my dilemma with that. First of all, I loathe lowering my expectations and standards on a man. This is not a unique concept for me. I've lowered my standards for many years and it has got me NOWHERE. You hear me? Nooooo where! If I go down this road again, I feel like I have pressed the rewind button on my life and will inevitably make the same mistakes that that happened in the past once I hit the play button. "Nawt guna do it" (George HW Bush voice).
So in MY meantime, I will just wait. Yes I said it. I will "wait" until the right fella comes along. God has just the right man waiting for me and I know that if I circumvent His plan, then I will reap what I sowed and I'm not interested in reaping drama, depression, anxiety, worry, guilt, and anger. I'm done with those emotions!
Now I'm still doing the online dating thing. I've registered on sites from Match.com, to ChristianMingle.com, to AfroRomance.com and even PlentyofFish.com. The other day I received an email from a guy who looked adorably cute, was very intelligent, and had a humorous profile. When I emailed him back to ask him to tell me more about himself he was surprisingly blunt.
He told me he just got out of a relationship 2 months ago, had a child with that ex that he's fighting custody over, lost his job as a result, and is now living with his mother. Now let me ask you guys a question...should I email this guy back? Or should I politely ignore his response and keep it moving?
It kind of goes back to the standards and expectations comments I mentioned earlier. I am a single, kid-free, educated, hard-working woman who would like to have a better-half that shares those same exact things. I'm aware that at my age (32) the pool of men without kids is very shallow---not even deep enough for the kiddie pool. I am willing to accept a man with kids. But should I accept a man who now lives with his mother?
This economy sucks, and far be it for me to judge anyone living with their mom. I lived with my mother when I lost my job in New York City and couldn't afford that high-a$$ Manhattan rent. However, I made sure I didn't waste ANY time getting the heck outta dodge when I moved in. So my stay with mom-dukes didn't last long when I did find work again.
So that leaves me now with the fact that this man has just got out of a long term relationship with the mother of his child only 2 months ago! I should mention they were together for 3 years. I've been involved in rebound relationships and they never last. I've been the rebounder and the reboundee and I say again in bad English---it don't work!
I guess the quest continues and I just have to wait for who God has in store for me. It's all I can do. I'm not upset or frustrated about being a single girl living in a small town where there are 4 women to every man who lives here. No, I'm not upset about that. I'm just hoping I'm not 90 when that day happens. That's all.